I suppose my detachment from reality is a problem. I cannot quite connect the world that’s in my head with the world that’s outside of it. Every negative (and positive) situation I become involved in is viewed by my mind as a sort of experiment or learning experience. Instead of doing things to consciously alter the outcome, I simply do what I feel in that instant and watch the results, analyze and gauge the reactions of the humans around me. All this research…I wonder when I’m going to put the knowledge to use. I wonder if I’m ever going to join the rest of the world or just float alongside it, close but not touching.
There is hope, I believe. Every now and then I cross paths with a peculiar energy. They are never fundamentally the same, but the effect they have on me is similar. They’re like a big glowing spot among all the dark gray blurs, they’re the ones I can touch and feel and they seem more real than anything else around me. I never know how to handle myself when I suddenly find them in my presence. I’m so caught off guard that I attach myself immediately, twist and wriggle my way into their light and consume as much as possible without a single thought of conservation crossing my mind. A heightened awareness of existence. The best part is that they don’t even comprehend the little life changing reaction that happens in my brain upon knowledge of their existence. This is good, though, because their power is paramount. Short lived, usually, because I do not know how to keep these things stable. I’m always too close to see the big pictures. I have found one of these energies as of late, as always, in the form of a normal human. Though they are not normal in the least.
The worst part is, I’m happy.