Knotty Thoughts

thinking under the influence

will you be my beetle? December 7, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — knottythoughts @ 9:00 pm
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I’ve always been fond of beetles. When I was a child living in Canada I remember riding home from a family day at the lake. My younger brother and I would have water beetles stowed away in little containers of water, vowing to care for them. The little guys would swim about, dive and swirl, sit delicate on the surface. We never did find out what they ate, though. I regret our failure to keep them living. [sad]

My desk is a mess.

Something big happened today. Upon waking I instantly felt the need for some variety of drastic change. Considering the few things I have control of, the task of drama fell to my hair. For two and a half years I have adored my dreadlocks. Warm, beautiful, original. As I thought of cutting them off, my heart beat faster and I understood that too much of my identity was wrapped in them. I like being the weird girl. The girl on the bus that people look at and wonder what sort of interesting things must be floating about my mind. I should be able to be her without looking the part. So I chopped them off.

It took several hours, metal combs and a lot of oil. I wanted to salvage as much length as possible so I would have some room to play with what’s left. NORMAL HAIR. I will be getting it cut tomorrow, professionally. I’m thinking very short. My ears are so cold, but I haven’t had a heavy headache all day and everything feels light and silly. The reactions of my roommates were minimal, barely existent. Good.

At this point in the day the roof of my mouth burned. It had been cut to hell by the dollar frozen pizza I had eaten for dinner. Eating canned pineapple rings for dessert probably wasn’t a good choice. The citrusy goodness stung at my open wounds. Totally worth it. I love canned fruits and vegetables. I’m not sure why that is, maybe it’s because I’m always so broke. More likely it’s because they’re are so convenient, stackable, easily controlled and the variety is stimulating.

A rather exciting prospect presented itself to me yesterday. It’s keeping me motivated and thriving. Something to work toward. Lauren and I will have a life of muffins, smoke and art. Fashion and like minds. This seems to be exactly what I need. The potential for symbiosis exhilarates me.

Today, I appreciate everything.
My morning, afternoon and evening have lacked fashion. I will remedy that now, I’ve got to get sewing. I sent out more resumes today. I think something good will come along soon. Maybe something cool, where I get to dress nice. I’d love to be an office assistant, or something along those lines. The new hair will help me get there. God damn, it’s cold. Bundle up!

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the wonder years November 30, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — knottythoughts @ 7:49 pm
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It’s a foggy Monday morning and I manage to look pretty scummy as I walk home from a night of exorcism and stoner movies at my guitarist’s place. I’m unusually well rested because his couch is the squishy kind of comfortable and Molly Danger the Chihuahua makes a wonderful cuddle buddy.

I can hear what’s left of last night sloshing around in my bag, the bottle is a little too big and pokes out the top; the epitome of class. I can feel my kidneys hating me for forgetting to take my antibiotics last night, I suppose the rum didn’t help either. Most of the leaves are gone from the tree branches by now and it makes me desperately wish for something less deciduous, maybe some mountains while we’re at it. I’m homesick.

Feeling strange right now: not bad, but not really good. Then I realize there’s a word for that , I say “melancholy” out loud; it starts to rain big fat MELANCHOLY drops. I suppose I set myself up for that one. Thanks to the pauses in my thoughts, semi-colons are my new best friend. Though I really cannot be that pensive, I have a tightly wound ball of excitement in my bones and I know it’s just a matter of hours before it all bursts forth, today will a good kind of interesting to say the least.

Usually I have Mondays off. Right now I have every day off.

My puppy should have had his morning walk hours ago, I feel guilty, but when I walk in the door he isn’t mad, just excited that I’m home now. Animals are impressive, they focus on the good and let all the bad shit just roll on by.  I’m almost out of cat food, fully out of money.  I will be job hunting today in an attempt to remedy my lack of income, but while I wait for invitations to interviews I’ll focus on sewing.  I’ve fallen in love with a new, more personal design aesthetic in the last few days and should be taking photos tomorrow with Lauren.  A very fun model who I am delighted to be working with.  Good things this way come.  I want to start a video cast to give my clothing label a more connected point of view, I’ll make the first one this week.  High hopes!